NEW TO NICU? Tips to get you through

If you're new to NICU and reading this, then congratulations on the birth of your baby(ies). It might all be so far removed from how you envisaged this moment would be, and so far removed from how you would like it to be, but your baby is here and you deserve a moment of congratulation (however subdued it may be).

Entering NICU for the first time is daunting, often completely overwhelming. If you're a mum reading this then your body and mind have just been through something enormous. Regardless of how you birthed your baby, its tough. If it was a premature delivery you're also likely to have been pumped full of various drugs, none of which leave you feeling on-top-of-the-world. If you're a Dad reading this, then you've just watched your partner go through something incredible (as well as incredibly scary) and you've probably worried about them as well as your baby(ies). So give yourselves some space, go easy on yourselves. There'll be numerous waves of emotion that hit you over the first few hours, days and weeks, so just try and ride them as best you can. No one knows exactly what your NICU journey looks like, but you will get through it and here are a few practical things to help you along the way.

SELF CARE

Sleep. Eat. Hydrate. Get some fresh air. It sounds simple doesn't it, but it's amazing how a day can pass and you realise you haven't eaten or drunk any water. Yes you need, and want to be there for your baby and yes, I know you don't feel like eating much but make sure you look after yourself. Your baby needs you strong so do whatever you can to meet your basic needs too. Perhaps try and leave the unit even for a few minutes to breath in some fresh air. Or ask for a pillow and comfy chair and have a sleep beside the incubator. Self-care may not feel like a priority for you right now, but try and do what you can.

NOT EVERYONE WILL UNDERSTAND WHAT YOU'RE GOING THROUGH

Be warned, you may find that your friends and family just don't "get it." I struggled with this, I assumed that people would understand how difficult it was, that they'd just know I was going through something traumatic. I thought it was obvious. People generally mean well and most would be horrified if they thought they'd caused upset or offence. But it was the seemingly harmless requests to see photos, messages asking when you'd be home (when you have weeks of a NICU stay ahead of you and many unknowns) and shared stories of their own small, but perfectly healthy, babies. How you deal with this depends on how you feel and what you encounter. I got my husband to send updates and I retreated from messaging for a while. It's how I react to difficult times and it saw me through. You just have to do what you need to do to get through it.

CANCEL PREGNANCY APP UPDATES

On day 2 of NICU as I was sat next to my baby in his incubator, wondering whether I'd ever get him home, my Bounty update came through telling me the size of fruit he should now be, along with the "Essentials for your hospital bag". No-one needs that as you're separated by a sheet of plastic from your baby, listening to beeps and watching monitors. Cancel them!

JOURNEY BOOK

I got someone to buy me a new notebook and I wrote down all the little things that were happening. The little steps of progress Baby T was making. I collected little things to go with it; his first hat, his first wristband, his CPAP hat. It gave me something to do, and it now gives me something to remember some of those details that, as I look back, feel like a blur. And take lots of photos. I didn't take as many of the first few days as I wished I did, as I felt odd taking photos of my poorly baby. But thankfully one of the NICU nurses told me to take lots; that he was my baby, it as our experience and that, whatever happened, these were our days together.

DOWNLOAD AUDIO BOOKS OR PODCASTS

You may not feel like it at first, but finding a podcast or a good book to listen to may help you through. Whether it's distraction for a while, or even managing a little laugh at something funny, it just gives you something else to try and focus on.

MAKE IT YOUR BABY'S SPACE

I know it's a hospital, and there's only so much you can do but it helped me to feel a sense of control by have a few personal things in his cupboard. I brought in a few of his nice muslin cloths, and a little bunny for his incubator. I also kept some of his milestone cards there too and chose a blanket to go over his incubator to keep it dark. Little things, but little things to make it feel more personal.

CONNECT, CONNECT (in a way that feels comfortable for you)

Often parents haven't even heard of NICU before their baby ends up there. It's a completely new world which you have to take in whilst feeling tired, emotional and vulnerable. Obviously there are consultants, doctors and often Bliss volunteers to help and guide you through it - but it can be helpful to have a network of parents who just "get it" - who have been through it before and understand the highs and lows of the journey you're on. It's hard to connect IRL, but I've found Instaram a really useful place for this. That said, try not to get too embroiled in others' stories. And I know of some who just don't want to connect with others, especially not whilst they are in the thick of a NICU stay. Do whatever feels best for you,

BREAST-PUMPING BRA

If you're expressing breastmilk you are likely to be doing it every couple of hours, quite possibly next to your baby in an open room. It's exhausting and, to be honest, sometimes just a bit of a faff with the bottles, the wires and the pump. The best thing I bought was a breast pumping bra. It made it feel so much more discreet and let me use a double pump whilst keeping both hands free! The best money I've ever spent!!

This blog post is about practical tips, but I can't not mention the fact that if you're reading this completely new to NICU, you're quite possibly feeling a whole mixture of feelings, and that's completely normal. Or you may feel completely fine and in control, and that's fine too. But know that if you are feeling guilt, or anger, or sadness or anything else, it's normal. NICU is a tough place to be, whatever your circumstances. So please be kind to yourself, and reach out for help if you feel you might need it.